2D Craps on the Crocodile Hunter
by Azukaramegadriver
Summary: A cesspool of Gorillaz one-shots filled to the brim with inanity. Also a spot where I can improve my writing skills. Got any requests for ridiculous stories regarding those crazy ape-people? Give it a toss at me! Review, enjoy and all that watchmacallit.
1. Man at the door

2D Craps on the Crocodile Hunter. I hope you like my story. I hope you enjoy this wonderful story, I spent an entire month working on this fanfic, and if Damon I mean 2D can do a good album in a month I can make a good fic, right?one! Just like my nana always said:

" A drop in the basket is worth a sheppard's shilling "

I hope you enjoy. ^_^

It was a boring day in Plastic Kong. Murdoc was chewing on the sofa, picking out random fluff and beans from his teeth. Suddenly, a knock came on the door.

"Whot ess it?", said the drunken green man, his mouth filled to the brim with all this couch fodder, which he was carefully picking out of his sharp-edged wooden teeth. Walking to the door, his cold nails scraped the doorknob and he thrusted the door open.. in a pelvic motion only he could manage to attain. At the door was a rugged man, with a police officer cap on, a Shamwow in his hand and a Snuggie wrapped around his thick hairy chest. He was a stunning bloke, was about yeigh tall, and yeigh wide.

"Excuse me sir, have you ever-" "I DON'T DO THAT CHRISTIAN CRAP, SIR, LEAVE NOW" He slammed the door on this rugged man, which didn't go well. "Now what was that all 'bout?", screamed Russel from the basement. He had to live there, that's the only place he fit. And not because he's still gigantic, he's just too dang fat. "It wos one of'ose Christian communerssss", said Murdoc with a slur in his voice. He shouldn't have drank that toilet cleaner.

"Man, I've been wantin' to get my Jesus goin' after so much of your Satanic voodoo crud!" said the burly man, climbing up the stairs that usually take "Escape from Plastic Beach" players a whole five hours to descend from. After his arrival from such an upward task, he slapped Murdoc upside the face, opening the door in front of him. "Sir, I am sorry this even happened. Murdoc is a jerky jerk and he shouldn't of done that." The man wearing the Snuggie had been walking away in disdain, but after hearing Russel's apology he heel-face-turned right back to their doorstep.

"Oh that's okay, and I wasn't even here to talk about my beliefs, even if that is a parttime job of mine." Russel scowled at Murdoc, knowing that Murdoc didn't even give the man outside the door a chance. Murdoc shrugged, and the man continued. "Actually, I was coming to tell you that your house is under foreclosure."

Murdoc burst into tears, went into his Winnebago, and cried himself to sleep.

Also Noodle was playing Pong during this whole moment, and 2D crapped on the Crocodile Hunter.

~the end~


	2. Pretty sure this happens often

For THEdragon-of-rainbows, upon request.

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><p><strong>"Supper time!"<strong>

15 year old Noodle heard Russel yell at the top of his lungs, ringing a dinner bell. 2D accidentally tumbled into her as she bulldozed through the hallways, deciding to chase each other to see who could make it to their seats first. Murdoc slithered out of his winnebago (amazing hearing capabilities from afar), and slithered up the elevator.. no really. He practically did the worm all the day to the elevator.

Gorillaz were fixing to have their first homemade meal together in months. So much rigorous concert performances have led them to burn out and just laze around the studio halls and rooms, and even if they were in the studios, no one had the willpower to make any food, so all they did was call takeout. Much to our green, drunken friend's chagrin, it was usually Japanese takeout. For obvious reasons.

But tonight! Tonight of all nights was different! Russel actually decided to get up for a change and actually cook for other people. Considering these past couple of days they've been lazing around the studios, he only made food for himself (and maybe a doggy biscuit for Noodle), but otherwise it was HIS fried turkeys, no one elses. Well, he doesn't like being that way, so he decided to change things and make a fullout meal for everyone... just as long as no one strangles one another at the table. THEN the fried turkeys would be all his.

After everyone made it to the table, Russel put a bib on, saying "Baby's First Chicken", licking his chops at his own delicacies. "Alright, guys, get'cho forks out, we're eating fried turkeys with giblets of gravy, and alfredo. If you guys make one move at each other I'll kick your teeth in. Now let's EAT!", Russel banged his hands with a mighty thump against the cabinet, which sent the food flying into the air, automatically arranging theirselves in midsequence and full, already-prepared entrees fell onto each bandmember's plate, no alignment too out of place, picture perfect to appear in photos for restaurant menus. Russel was just good like that.

2D pulled out his spoon (derp), Russel pulled out his forks, Noodle pulled out chopsticks, and Murdoc pulled out... his hands. And from there, the meal was quickly being gobbled up. After a good few minutes of silence, besides the constant grotesque backwash sounds Murdoc was making whilst gargling his alfredo and vodka, Noodle said "_Russel-sama, arigatou gozaimashita_. The food was incredible!", she bowed. "If you guys will need me, I'll be upstairs, k?". Murdoc and 2D nodded, and Russ grinned in confirmation.

Murdoc bleched very loudly after finally pausing from his constant food-shoveling. "Ooohoho, wow, Faceache, I neva knew yew 'ad it in yewww. The food wos great!" 2D turned to Murdoc with a slight face of disturbance. "Umm, oi, Muds, umm, I din't make the foo-" "OF COURSE YEW DIDN'T, Russ, I wosn't talkin' to yew." Murdoc interrupted 2D's response.

Russel turned around after hearing this, not exactly knowing what's going on. 2D was kinda perplexed. A lingering scent was in the room. Was he drinking the toilet cleaner again?

"Yo man, I don't what you're smokin'", Russel nudged closer to Murdoc, one eye sorta squinted, "but I ain't 2D and he ain't me." Murdoc's face became enraged, and he punched Russel square in the mouth. Russ has never seen Murdoc act so violent to him before! "Now you lissen 'ere, Faceache, don'chu go yappin' all up in my face, ya 'ear? Lards, get yer fat arse up thaaa livin' room in thirty minutes, I wanna play yewww a little bass fingy I wrote." Murdoc slithered some, got up, and started to wobble out of the room, cackling like an idiot, when suddenly he fell over on the floor, passed out.

Noodle came down from the upstairs after having a talk with Shaun about her new dancemoves, when she suddenly saw the other three: Murdoc passed out, 2D with his hand running through his hair, and Russel with a bruised cheek, rubbing it and contemplating what just happened. "Umm, what _just happened_ in here?", said Noodle, blankfaced and utterly confused. 2D rose his head.

"...did Muhdoc call just call me fat?"

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><p>Well, that's the first time I've wrote anything more complex than absolute nonsense. Although that's usually what I'm good at, I'm hoping to get better at this insanity. So guys, how was this? Review and give impressions. =V<p> 


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